I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
