Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
