She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
