the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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