everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
