Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
