Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its about making memories worth repressing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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