We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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