The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
