Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
