I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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