Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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