mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dear god my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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