At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
