ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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