Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
