Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize