All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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