I skipped work to stalk him.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
