How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
