There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
