I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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