Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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