In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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