It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
