I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
