Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
