I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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