Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
