The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
