honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
