The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
