My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
