You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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