How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
