This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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