just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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