There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
