The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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