turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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