Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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