There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
