So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
