um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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