that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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