Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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