Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
