Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
