she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
