As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
