You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
