i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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