I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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