Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
