if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
