a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
