In the future we'll all be gay
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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