you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
