Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
