it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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