JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
