My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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